Ray of Light (The Incandescent Series Book 1) Page 17

  ‘I'll take that!’ It's Stevens.

  I almost vomit.

  ‘Don’t touch me!’ I beg.

  He pulls the phone out of my grasp and twists my arm behind my back. Another guard stands beside me and pushes me forward. In front of me, about twenty metres, Xander struggles in the hold of the other two guards.

  ‘Let me go!’ I can’t lose it now, not when we are so close. As Seth’s murderer hovers behind me, I say innocently, ‘I'm Viv Dhawan!’

  They keep pushing us forward towards the elevator.

  ‘I'M VIVIAN DHAWAN. I’M TEAM ALPHA! I’M PALLADIUM!’ I shout.

  My wrist gets squeezed harder and pushed unnaturally against my shoulder blade.

  ~~~

  Miles was easy to lie to, but I'm not sure how I'll hold up against his father. We are taken into Miles’ office and Ladlow stands at the window looking at the river. The guards sit us down on the sofa and walk out of the room.

  ‘It's so cold here, I don't know how you and Miles have lived here so long now, Viv,’ Ladlow says without turning around.

  ‘You get used to it,’ I shrug.

  ‘What happened to Abner?’ Xander spits, his once all-together leadership qualities swallowed by his grief.

  I wonder if he's up to the task I need him for? I thought he would be a steady and strong asset, instead he's unpredictable and poisonous.

  ‘Your sister turned out to be a bit of a rebel didn't she Alexander?’ Ladlow turns in his spot replacing Xander's question with one of his own. He walks towards the chair opposite us and holds the top of it, his back straight and his face towering over us.

  ‘What do you want with me? I haven't done anything wrong.’ Did Xander just suggest I'm the one who's in the wrong?

  ‘I should hope not; you've done some incredible work for Palladium. But I can see you're the kind of boy to be burdened by loyalty,’ Ladlow says it like it's a bad thing. ‘Anyway, I digress, I didn't bring you here to talk about that. I want to know where my son is?’ He darts his eyes between Xander and myself searching for answers.

  Is that all he wants. My sigh must have been louder than I thought as Ladlow rests his eyes on me and tilts his head.

  ‘I've been wondering the same thing!’ I say.

  Ladlow squints his eyes at me, then looks at Xander.

  ‘Is that it, can we go now?’ Xander asks.

  ‘Mmm…’ Ladlow sits down and leans back in his chair, like he is hoping to get a better view of the words we aren't saying to him.

  I stand up.

  ‘Oh yes! One more thing!’ Ladlow glares back at me. ‘How's David?’

  ‘Who?’ I stare back.

  Ladlow laughs briefly as he rises to his feet, his body towering over everyone in the room. He leans over so his face is level with mine, I can smell Abner's burger on his breath.

  ‘I'm surprised you don't even know the name of your own boyfriend’s father, Vivian Dhawan… or should I say Vivian Nichols?… Wait no, not quite.’

  Pleased with himself, Ladlow steps backwards, motions to the door and turns towards the window like he didn't say what he just said.

  TWENTY-FIVE

  Nora

  I sit on the cliff edge that overlooks the lake, the rocks below me look like pebbles glistening in the sun. I've been out here for hours and no matter what I try, I can't get the orb to do what I want it to. I don't even know what I want it to do, maybe that is the problem.

  ‘We've got to make this work!’ Returning from Abner’s kitchen, I threw the key he handed me at Miles and ran out the door. The orb pulsated through my hand and up my arm, it drove me forward—I was buzzed, energised, determined.

  It didn’t last as long as I thought it might though. I’ve not been able to make the orb do anything except portal me up here. I lay on my back with my legs curling over the cliff, the orb rests between my fingers and thumbs as I hold it above me. The blue is like the sky but darker and deeper, somehow more meaningful. Sunlight catches in the orb, forcing small rainbows to cascade out of it. Miles said the orb can do whatever I can think of. All I have been thinking about is transporting me back in time, not five years but seventeen.

  To the time when I bounded down the stairs with excitement watching my feet underneath me as they scaled down. Sometimes I could skip a step, the feeling inside me reeked of confidence and pride. I was seven. I glided into the kitchen and lifted myself up onto the sofa to check out the weather. I pressed my hands and forehead so hard against the window I wondered if I could melt right through if I pushed harder. I was waiting for my cousin, Nate, to arrive. He would come and stay with us one weekend a month. He was about six years older than me but everything always seemed to be better when he was here. Mum was always on her best behaviour, she wouldn’t snap or make me feel like I needed to walk on eggshells. He would roll his eyes and call my mum “Mary Elizabeth” and she wouldn’t even flinch at his terrible attitude towards her. He used to bring his old vinyls and we would dance to classics for hours.

  ‘Mummy?’ I called hoping she woke up in a better mood. I found my father hunched over the kitchen bench holding a note I'd never read, and all my hope faded into yesterday.

  ‘Where's Mummy, Daddy? Is she getting Nate? Maybe we could go swimming when he gets here… I'm so good now Daddy, did she tell you?’

  My father stood up straight and lifted his face to me, his cheeks were like soggy apples glowing red under his tears. As soon as he saw me, more tears streamed down his face and dropped off his quivering chin. My heart ached for him, I had no clue what was wrong but I wanted to fix him.

  ‘What's wrong Daddy?’ I exclaimed stretching my arms around his waist.

  He scrunched up the note he was holding and enveloped me into his arms.

  ‘Can I fix it?’ I asked, returning the care he often poured onto me. Dad was always my go-to person for when I was hurting, physically or emotionally. When Mum was distant, Dad was the first to ask me if he could fix it for me.

  He managed a small chuckle amongst his sobs. ‘We'll fix it together darling, just you and me, together.’

  And we did, for a while anyway.

  Drops of water fall from the sky, the rain is warm and heavy, like a tropical storm.

  I open my eyes to a headache, that memory again—it always creeps its way into my subconscious between my dreams and reality. I haven’t thought about my mother in a long time. These last few years I’ve been too focused on my career, my needs, and about stepping into adulthood the best way I can. Every time she creeps into my thoughts, it happens; the anxiety. I’m not sure whether she arrives because I’m feeling anxious, or if I feel anxious because of the thoughts—but they always and forever go hand in hand.

  My abdomen constricts. Here it is, the anxiety.

  The dark shadows hover above me, teasing me, threatening to nestle themselves into my being and drag the fears out to the surface. Not now, now is the worst time. I wonder how much an apple tree aches, when its unripe fruit is picked and placed on display.

  “This is what the tree bears,” the harvester proclaims. “No!” I want to scream but my voice is muffled by jeers. “That’s not who I am!”

  A weird chasm churns in my stomach creating an emotion so fierce I can feel it bubble up throughout me. It starts from my heart and spreads outward—sending a river of fire to my feet, into my arms, up through my throat. The orb shudders in my hand, and just like a static orb it spits out a tiny lightning bolt into the sky. I sit up and watch it separate a dark grey cloud then move beyond until the bolt dissipates into nothing. No rain anymore, only blue skies.

  Well, now I can do two things with it.

  I stand up and turn around to face the forest behind me. I hold the orb in front of me like a gun.

  Nothing.

  ‘Static?’ I ask, I’m still holding my arm out. ‘Come on!’

  The orb omits a dull glow and then returns to its resting state. I let my arms fall beside my body in defeat and slump to the ground. T
his is so stupid.

  Miles told me I'm the only person that can make this plan work and I am ready for anything, but I can't do this—for some reason I can't be the person they want me to be.

  I transport myself to sit on the step that separates the cabin's veranda to the path. A bee buzzes too close to my face and I move my head backwards to avoid it's sting. I watch it land on a lavender flower. It's then I notice the ground beside me is covered in them—lavender bushes all along the veranda edge.

  I take a deep breath and remember Miles telling me how he can turn the positive attitude on. I used to have it under control, all before the Corridor, before Xander, before Viv. They’ve triggered a feeling long left dormant inside of me. Anger and fear and rejection.

  I pick a lavender flower that's wilting, brown growing around it's edges. I hold it carefully in my palm, like a damaged heart, my damaged heart.

  ‘I wish you didn't have to feel this pain like I do,’ I whisper.

  My other palm tingles as the orb inside it shimmers brighter and brighter until it stops. I consider it another weird spasmodic action until I look back at the lavender. It's purple, bold purple… it’s brave and thankful as it reaches towards the sun.

  I tuck it behind my ear and grab another one, it's not as damaged as the first one but it's crumpled and weak. I place it on the orb, positive thoughts, positive thoughts. The orb begins to shine bright and I can see the lavender come to life before my eyes. Bold deep purple climbs on top of the dull muted purple, a new life reaching up inside of it—then, as beautifully as the transformation began, it ends. As the colour fades, any hope the bold deep purple held onto is removed. Unchanged, still broken. Dammit!

  TWENTY-SIX

  Nora

  I can’t get this stupid orb to do anything that I want it to do. ‘NOOOO!’ I groan and throw it a few feet in front of me.

  The cabin door creaks open, Miles finds a seat beside me and places a small glass of water in my hands.

  ‘Apparently, I'm the only person who can touch this orb,’ I take a small sip of water before I continue. ‘Which means I'm the only one who can use it the way it is supposed to be used. But how am I supposed to use it when I can't even control how it works and when it works?’

  ‘You didn't read the information on the USB yet, did you?’ he offers.

  ‘I thought I could work it out on my own, that's what you said to do, right?’

  He pauses to smile at me before nodding. ‘Is something bothering you?’

  I bite the insides of mouth and feel my bottom lip quiver. Miles’ shoulder brushes past mine as he leans forward to put his elbows on his knees. I grasp my arm in the spot he touched, willing to keep in any part of hope he may have rubbed onto me.

  ‘Everything,’ I finally splutter. ‘Everything is bothering me, but nothing new.’

  He lifts his chin over his sculpted shoulder and looks at me with sympathy. He moves his eyes down to my hand and picks up my fingers. His touch is gentle, yet decisive. I don't pull away as he lowers his lips to my hand. He kisses it without looking at me and then stands up, still holding my fingers.

  ‘Walk?’ he tugs at me and I oblige.

  I scoop the orb up as we walk past it and I silently apologise to it for being so violent.

  On the sand bank, I close my eyes and let the sun heat my back. It's a vast difference to where I was two nights ago, huddled up against the stump of a tree, feeling ice slowly freeze me from the outside in. Not only the temperature but my mind has changed dramatically. Even though I'm frustrated by the orb, I'm still amazed at how clear my mind is here. The only thing that hasn't changed is the ache in my heart, that dull constant pain. I've tried to not think about it, I've tried to brush it off—but with every hour that passes, I feel it. The unmistakable, all too familiar awareness of rejection.

  ‘What are you thinking about?’ Miles asks.

  His voice brings me back to reality and I realise my hand is in my cardigan pocket, twirling the orb in my hand. I don't want it to seem like I'm startled so I keep my eyes shut and smile. ‘That sunshine makes me happy?’

  He gives a small chuckle and I open my eyes to see him staring at me. ‘No, really?’

  I wonder what I do that makes him curious about what I'm thinking about so often. Maybe it's the blank expression that I must possess when my mind drifts off on one of it's tangents. ‘I feel like I’m breaking.’

  ‘Don’t misunderstand, it also hurts to grow.’

  I smile and lift my face to the sky. ‘Remember at the Base how you wanted me to do yoga or tai chi or meditate or some other crap with you? Can you help me, now?’ I bring my head back down, and Miles is already moving closer to me.

  ‘What do you want the orb to do?’ He asks as he wriggles the sleeve of my arm that holds the orb.

  I shrug, already defeated.

  ‘The Nora that I know relishes new things and gets excited by their possibilities. What's different this time?’

  ‘Everything is different!’ I snap.

  Miles pouts his lips and tilts his head almost unaffected by my outburst.

  ‘I'm sorry,’ I say.

  ‘Is it Xander?’ he looks to his feet.

  ‘Maybe,’ I look to mine.

  ‘Is it something else?’

  The sand beneath my feet is warm and I dig a hole for my toes to hide in.

  ‘It just reminds me of the same feelings I have when I think about her.’ I know he knows who I’m talking about.

  ‘Can I tell you a secret?’ Miles offers. His blueberry and waffle-like eyes are almost luminous when the sun hits them, a dark blue rim circles the iris making the yellow speckles even brighter. I've never seen eyes like his before.

  ‘You and I have the same fear you know. Of losing people we care about. I know for you it's more than losing people, it's losing people because they chose to leave and I can't imagine what that would feel like. And I can't tell you that you won't ever have that feeling again, although I don't understand why anyone would want to… leave you that is.’ His mouth twitches as he rubs the nape of his neck. Is Miles Ladlow nervous? ‘I've felt the pain of my Mum's death so many times, the reminders and triggers are everywhere, but I've never come close to feeling that fear of loss with anyone else. Until I realised you were to be in the Corridor for a hell of a lot more than five hours…’ He clears his throat and turns to face the lake. ‘The trick is to not dwell on what you can't do. What could I do for five years while you were in the Corridor except work towards the day when you'd step out of those doors? I made sure your Corridor wasn't demolished like the others, then I gathered data on the egg orb expansion, then I signed deals with my father to give me leadership of another base, then I built the Fort. Step by step, each single task I gave myself was my only sole focus. And driving that focus, was the end goal.’

  ‘To bring down the Uprising,’ I end his sentence.

  He shakes his head and locks his eyes onto mine. ‘No.’

  ‘To take control of Palladium?’

  ‘Forget it,’ Miles tenses his shoulders up to his ears and turns to the lake again. ‘It doesn't matter. Let's focus on getting your orb to work for you!’

  ‘Miles! What then? If not those things what was your goal?’ I demand.

  He shakes his head and I can't quite make out the words he whispers, ‘wouldn't… you…’

  ‘What?’ I implore, leaning myself forward to catch a glimpse of his face.

  One hand smooths his hair and the other bends at the elbow, his forearm outstretches like he's holding an invisible platter.

  ‘You,’ he says finally looking at me. ‘To make sure I wouldn't lose you.’

  I chew on the inside of my bottom lip and look away to the forest on our left. I imagine myself running faster than humanly possible, leaping up the trunks to stand on the tree tops. I imagine the crisp higher air on my face and let it flow into my mouth to revive my lungs, to restart the breath I seem to have lost.

  ‘What are you thinkin
g about?’ He asks, unsure of himself. Which is funny because he is always the steady one in our group, calm and collected. He is the rock, my rock. He is the sun that filters light throughout the shadows and makes the dark malleable, if not obsolete.

  ‘The sun makes me happy!’ This time, I say it as a fact, because it's true.

  ‘Well that's a good sign, focus on that!’

  I hold the orb out in his direction. His hands fling up in surrender, before I realise I've essentially held up a loaded weapon towards him.

  ‘Sorry,’ I laugh, twisting my body so it now points at the lake.

  ‘That's okay,’ he laughs back. ‘I would prefer to only have one scar from those things that's all. Are you ready?’

  For what? I don't know, but I nod anyway.

  ‘Close your eyes,’ he starts and I close my eyes. ‘Forget about the past, forget about the future. You are here right now. Think about the sun, the heat on your back, the sand beneath your toes, the breeze against your face, the orb in your hand. What does your physical body feel? What do you smell? What do you hear?’

  I scrunch my toes further into the small hole I have already dug, each grain of sand joining with its brother, sister, mother, friend to hug my feet in their place. The sun heats not only my back but my legs and my arms, the sleeves of my cardigan multiply the warmth as it clings to my skin. The distant sounds of a bird, a falcon, screeches through the wind—the wind which rustles the leaves on the tree tops. Closer even, I hear Miles' hard yet steady breath as it races through his nostrils. I feel my heart as it pounds strong, too strong in my chest. I can almost feel my blood as it courses through my veins, around my chest, behind my ears, into my wrist. I feel the orb smooth and round, it rests in my hand as my palm and fingers sculpt around it entirely.

  ‘What do you want the orb to do?’ Miles whispers.

  I swallow the excessive saliva in my mouth. ‘What the egg orb does.’

  ‘Imagine it then. See in your mind's eye the orb radiating energy outside of itself to surround you.’ His voice rumbles into my eardrums. I follow every word he speaks without hesitation.